I have serious beef with microwave popcorn.

Look 'ere chump, popcorn is one of my favourite snacks, so I KNOW what I'm talking about? You want my credentials? Voted #1 Popcorn eater 1999-2032. Every damn year, don't question it. I'm the typa bitch to get a share bucket of popcorn to the cinema - feeding me, myslef, and I. I'm a freaking popcorn monster. A popcorn devourer. Trust me, I know my stuff. I'm a popcorn connesiur I love my salty popcorn so much. And I HATE microwave popcorn. Microwave pocporn is the scourge of the Earth!!

The problem with Microwave popcorn.

It's shit! Look, making microwave popcorn is such a fickle fucking beast, half the time the bag will just get stuck on a corner of your microwave no matter how well you position and readjust it in the centre of the plate, it'll just spin and get caught on some stupid corner and burn half the bag to shit. This isn't so bad, I kinda like burnt popcorn, but it's annoying, right? And, more often than not you'll always be left over with like a million unpopped kernels at the bottom of the bag, and it's never salted properly, etc. etc. They have enough in the bags either! As capitalism goes on to enshittify everything more and more, the popcorn bags I'd used to buy keep getting progressively smaller and emptier while prices go up, as every company seeks to exert control over your life shit companies like Butterkist or "Proper Corn" follow suit and ruin any semblance of joy with the simple microwave popcorn bag. Let me have a whole portion, stop reducing the amount of corn and charging more! the only benefit of microwave popcorn is that it's incredibly easy to make, but there's an alternative... An alternative to give you back control!

Stove corn!!!

Just buy a bag of popcorn kernels and cook that shit yourself! It's not that difficult, salt and whatnot sticks better to it, it just tastes better, and is pretty fun to make! Best of all, it's way cheaper than microwave popcorn! A box of 3 microwave popcorn bags is the same price as a bag of stove corn, and you get way more out of a bag of popcorn kernels! You already have oil or an alternative somewhere in your home, and a pan or bowl to cook it in, so it just works out being much cheaper than microwave popcorn too while also just tasting better! It's also way easier to not born your popcorn when making stove corn, since you should be drenching the kernels in oil, and there's barely any unpopped kernels left (maybe a few half-popped kernels which are their own joy!)

So yeah, stove corn is just better than microwave popcorn! Tastes better, cheaper, and about the same effort to make. Of course I get if you don't feel like making it sometimes, or maybe rely on easy to make food due to physical issues leading to difficulty cooking in any capcaity, but I'm just sayin... Stove corn is real damn good and trumps microwave popcorn a billion times to one! Take back control of your life in all aspects and don't let those shitheads at popcornmanufacterershitworld take away your corn!!! It's probably slightly healthier too, but not by much tbh I don't think that matters I don't actually know, it's just popcorn who really cares. Too much oil is evil or something but tbh I don't really care I like when my food tastes good so you better drench those kernels.

Ok but how do I make a good bowl of stove corn?

Well aren't you glad you came to me! I'm the stove corn beast. I'm the stove corn extraordinare. Yeah bitch. Yeah!

So I recommend making stove corn in a bowl type thing, something that has a small base and is pretty deep is ideal, but you caan do it anything, I just generally find this has the best results. It lets you pool up some oil right at the bottom so every kernel gets covered in oil, you don't wanna skimp out on the oil! Start the stove on medium-high heat, and pour in enough oil that there's a little pool at the bottom, then pour in your kernels after a second (before your oil starts to sizzle.) I normally use sunflower oil but I generally recommend any seed oil, I wouldn't really use olive oil but that's probably fine too. For a decent bowl of corn I reccommend pouring in at least enough kernels so that theres one layer fully submerged in the oil, without about half of a layer on top.

Alright, now that you've poured it all in all you gotta do is stir it around for a bit (don't stop until it starts popping!) You'll notice that the kernels will get paler over time, but make sure all of them get a nice shot at reaching the bottom and just keep stirring until they start to pop, once theyre all a little pale it'll probably start being time to. Eventually, when they begin to pop, make sure to get the lid to your bowl ready! if just one has popped by itself, this doesn't mean its ready to leave alone yet, but if a quite a few are all piling up, then you can comfortably put the lid on and let them go at it! Don't stay too long without it so nothign flies out and so you don't burn your fingies.

Done popping? Quick, quick, go go go! open up that sucker and pour in salt or whatever other seasoning you like, give it a good shake then put into your preferred eating bowl and enjoy a delicious portion of good ass stove corn. Dude I love stove corn so much more than microwave popcorn, and it's cheaper! I hope this has convinced you to aid me in my fight against microwave popcorn. And if it hasn't that's ok, I still love you, I don't really care to be honest it's just popcorn lol. Ok I have a bowl of popcorn I wanna eat googbye

mm yummy popcorn mmm mmm

Popped an ann right in my mouth the other day. Annesiac 2026